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FOR SALE CONTEST JOURNAL:
[link] GANG journal: - [link]Aaah! If you don't click, my dragons will die!


With an unimaginable passion. And this is not that airy "Omg, guys do what i want and it's liek soooo annoying!" BS bimbo crap - People think i'm weak, stupid, arrogant, and have money coming out the wazoo/ my parents wazoo. That things are handed to me on a silver platter. Add to it the sorta distancy/ sleepy personality i have most of the time, and everything just gets magnified. and I. HATE. IT.
I had this sort of expirence at work today with a co-worker. (not jon, he left- but ironically he as the same name) He's somewhat new, has worked as a waiter for a billion and a half years, and he, i'm gonna be blunt, is black.
One: I am not my parents, i do my damndest to be courteous and respectful of all races, but i'll be honest, black people make me uneasy until i know them better; i'm terrified to slip and say something that'll piss a person off, or, god help me, be called racist.
I AM german; (fun fact, my great-grandparents fled Nazi germany to avoid all ...loveliness back then.), so being CALLED racist has come up in the past. But it's more that i'm you're stereotypical white-bread American blonde idiot. That's my stereotype. I am well versed in the ways of being treated like a retard in common society.
So today, my co-worker makes a series of comments about seeming stupid and lazy... such as "Well, i know you stupid as hell, so..." "why can't you get that right, eh? I tell you over and over again to use this, but you just keep ignoring me..." "what's wrong with you? Don't you get it?" "Well, i wouldn't want you to strain your arms there with that *sarcastic tone*" Etc etc ec-frickin'-etera.
And i know the logical response is "well, why do you care what he thinks of you?" Well, he influences a fair amount of people. He's above me slightly (by 25 cents) in the server hierarchy chain, so he has the right to boss me around. He tells and jokes with good friends of mine at my expense, and kinda contaminates the social standing i've been building there. Plus, working in a hostile environment is...i hate it even more then being blonde.
So after a fair amount of bullying, i broke down. I've tried my hardest to be nice, to take his comments in stride and play them off in a humorous light somehow, but i just couldn't do it. You try so hard, and what happens? You get into the same shit-fights that you try to avoid, and you're pinned. You can't say anything against him without it sounding racist, and you live the same droll day after day of getting shit piled on you, and you can't fight back. I fight back, i get blamed.
Thank god i have 4 days to cool down. But I KNOW i'll be dreading that day when i go back, i'll be afraid to work with him, because i hate conflicts: and until the day comes when either of us stops working there, i'll ALWAYS feel like that.
I'm no good in a fight. I don't have those innate verbal re-bound skills to come back or to even think in a fight. All i know is that i'm angry, and i want a resolution or a way out- or someone to leave. I can't form coherant arguements, which only furthers my idiot stereotype, and i HATE IT ALL.
*seethes* *paints hair black and sits all emo*
On an unrelated note, i got prints made of

on fancy cardstock. I'll try and sell them somewhere, i have to think of where. I sold the original to my dad.
SALE! - Cell-shading w/o Background :$10


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